Poetic Anatomy Lesson – Writing from a Model
Anatomy Lesson
Where do poems come from? Once the poet has an idea, how does the poem come together?
As my students know, poets often set themselves writing assignments called prompts. Prompts are similar to topics an English teacher might give you in your daily journal or warm-up – write about the weather, start every line with a letter of the alphabet from A to Z, write a haiku about spring.
One of my favorite prompts is responding to another poem. It’s something I ask students to do every day during poetry residencies. We read a model poem, use a prompt that relates to the poem, and write!
Let’s go, step by step, through the process.
1. Read a poem.
Recently, I reread William Stafford’s Poem, “With Kit, Age Seven, At the Beach.” I don’t remember this poem about fatherhood jumping out at me before.
This time, Stafford’s description of watching an ocean storm with his daughter reminded me of a powerful image from my own life. It was after a blizzard. My young son followed his father out to play in the snow, but panicked when he found it was too deep for him to walk.
2. Jot down thoughts.
I started my poem by writing down some notes right alongside Stafford’s poem. I looked at the way the stanzas are constructed (quatrains) and some of the sounds Stafford uses. Notice the many “s” words in the final stanza of “With Kit.”
3. Go crazy!
When I tell kids to write everything that comes to mind in first drafts, I’m not kidding! My next step was two pages of ideas for a poem. This draft spells out the entire story of the event. It includes all the key parts of a good story – setting, characters, and a moment of crisis that gets resolved.
4. Panic, then rein it in.
This is when I panic! “Argh. I’ve got too much. This is a mess, not a poem. What am I going to do?”
Poetic form to the rescue! Sometimes, when my ideas for a poem feel like they are going overboard, I try to box them in with a standard poetic form. For this poem, I tried a triolet.
Triolets only have eight lines. They use rhyme and repeating lines. Too many rules? Sometimes rules are helpful. My poem needs some boundaries. Using a form might help me figure out what my most important ideas are.
Here is what I came up with. You will see the notation for triolet form at the end of each line:
A Triolet for Robbie, Age 6, After the Blizzard
Snow erased everything – fences, sandbox, ground. A1
Our son wanted to go out to his father, B2
Who swept snow from pear branches to keep them sound. A
Snow erased everything – fences, sandbox, ground. A1
His weight was too sleight, his boots would not sink down. A
He crawled across the white, cold sea, crawled farther. B
Snow erased everything – fences, sandbox, ground. A1
Our son wanted to go out to his father. B2
5. Ask the big question. Stop? Or keep going?
Much cleaner! There was something pure about this draft that I liked. Here were the bare bones of my idea – a blank white landscape and the simplicity of a child trying to reach his father. I could see the common elements of Stafford’s poem and my experience. They both connect the power of nature to the power of fatherhood.
But was the triolet form too bare? Where was the narrative? I had lost my son’s moment of panic and the image of the father/son returning home.
Back to the drawing board? Not exactly. I had a clearer idea of how important that white landscape was to the poem.
6. Get feedback and keep revising.
Here is a photo of the next draft, which I modeled more closely on Stafford’s poem. It has quatrains. Some of the language is similar to Stafford’s. His line “What should our gaze mean” becomes “Why should he go? He was too sleight” in my poem.
I took the poem to my writing buddy, Cyndee, for more comments. She noticed that the poem is not clear about where the father and son are going. She asked “From the house or from the car? Toward or away from the house?”
7. Think about the title.
Somewhere in the next several drafts, I dropped the working title. The poem compares a stark landscape to the starkness of parent/child relationships. I took a line from Stafford to create a title that reflects that theme, “An Absolute Vista.”
8. Revise some more. Is the structure working?
I also played around with my stanzas, opting for five lines. In the middle of the poem -- the moment when the boy realizes he’s alone and frightened -- I used a shorter stanza for emphasis. The short stanza feels quiet and makes the reader pause. It makes the “rescue” feel more dramatic.
Here is the final draft:
An Absolute Vista
Our six year old climbed a snow bank at the back door
to walk and meet his father.
The snow was too deep.
White erased everything – fences, sandbox.
Ground was something to imagine.
Why would he go?
His weight was too sleight
to puncture the icy crush with his boots.
Our son floated on the surface, a dark form
crawling away from the house.
Midway he stopped.
No one near but the wind, racing.
My husband left off sweeping pear branches,
strode deeply toward our child,
and lifted him off that shifting surface.
One body, they turned for home,
each step sinking to the good, solid ground.
Laura Shovan
If you liked this article, check out these resources:
The Darkness Around Us is Deep, Selected Poems of William Stafford
Handbook of Poetic Forms, Edited by Ron Padgett
First Loves, Poets Introduce the Essential Poems that Captivated & Inspired Them, Editor by Carmela Ciuraru
Try it!
Poets Online has a model poem and prompt for writing every other week.
www.poetsonline.org